How come I can show others that things really aren't as hard as it seems, and yet those silly problems can overwhelm me so much? It's only when I'm theoretically by myself that I get overwhelmed--when I'm talking to my mom about things, everything looks so simple, and I think I can see things clearer when it's like that.
I can schedule and plan things no problem to make my mom feel better, and I feel inspired as ever to keep up with everything, but now I'm wondering, is it wearing me out mentally? I haven't even done anything, yet. And that stresses me out farther, I think.

The move isn't stressing me, it all looks incredibly easy to me. It's not cleaning the house, or getting the hole in the back filled in.
I think it's my family, honestly. I really think that they're behind all my stress. And it's something I wish I could regret saying. I feel closer to my friends than my family. Family makes me angry--they're insensitive, infuriating, lazy, immature.... And I know I'm immature for complaining, but there's only so much that I can take.
And I don't really feel like I can talk to my mom about it, either. She doesn't like to hear me talk bad about the family, and I know it's not what she needs. But at this point, I think I just want her to listen to me, because I think it's martyring my emotions to not be able to talk to my mother of all people about my problems. Bah, I'm getting choked up, but I can't show it because Luke's in the room.

I wish Charlotte would have just stayed in Canada. I wish she hadn't come back to live with us again. This whole process would have been a lot easier.
She won't stop stressing out my mom. They're always fighting, and I hate it. It's like, Charlotte lacks the common sense to avoid arguements. I'm sure my mom has some fault in it, too, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a one-sided cause. My mom hates fighting.

On top of it all, I'm falling really behind in my school work. I always feel so stressed at home, that I'm too overwhelmed to do anything.
I'm too overwhelmed at how little everyone else is working towards the move, overwhelmed at how much science homework I'm getting, at how I can't focus in science to save my life, at how many times I've gotten my hopes crushed by people who sail on and on about how much they want to adopt a pet from me then flat out never talk to me about it again. If you don't want the animal, just tell me. It's a lot easier to deal with than to build up my hopes and send them crashing down. These are real, live animals that needs homes. Not some stupid video game or book or toy. If I don't find someone serious about it soon, then there's no choice than to send them to the Humane Society. We NEED them gone this month, and I'm tired of people playing me like they have been. I freaking love these animals, and want the best for them. They don't deserve this.

The holidays are coming, and I don't think I've been this unhappy about it in a long time. I wanted it to be Christmas a month ago, now I don't want it to come. There's too much going on.

I don't think there's anything good for me to talk about right now, besides that my mom is packing up the soap stuff tomorrow. At least it's a start. I can't wait until we trash the dishes. The kitchen'll be clean when that happens. At least for the most part.

I gotta think about what I'm gonna pack...
I only get two small boxes and a suit case.
I'll figure something out.

Bye-bye for now,
Deanna

"Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek I can go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be."